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  Of course. Laney had hung the fact that she’d landed Kellen over the head of every girl in her very large clique all summer. This was her crowning moment. Her coup de gras. The moment she’d put them all out of their longing, lusting, conniving misery and claim Kellen fully and forever as hers. It didn’t matter that he was already graduated and gone from their school. He was a legend that would live on in their minds forever.

  I slipped back down under my comforter and kicked at my sister’s dead weight.

  “Then go text them all about it and let me sleep.”

  She slapped at my feet, asking angrily, “Aren’t you happy for me?”

  I sighed. “I am.” And I was. Sort of. “But I’m also tired and there’s not much else to say is there? You said you loved him, he said it back. That’s awesome.”

  “It is. Afterward we made out for an hour in dad’s car. He’d be so pissed! Did I tell you he’s getting a motorcycle?”

  “Dad is?”

  “No, stupid, Kellen is.”

  “That suits him.”

  “I guess. I’m hoping he gets one of those really hot street bikes. Like a Ducati or something. Ellie’s brother has one and it is so sexy. I’ll take a picture of it and send it to him the next time I’m over there.”

  “Is that the kind he wants to get?” I asked, dubiously.

  I couldn’t see him on a small sport bike. He was too much for that. Too big, too bold. Classic somehow. I saw him on an old Harley, leaned back with his arms stretched out to the tall handlebars. Not crouched down on a gleaming crotch rocket.

  “No, he wants something used,” Laney said, sounding annoyed. “Something big and ugly.”

  “Mom will flip.”

  “Right? She’ll hate it. I guess he’s talked to dad about it. He wanted to find out what insurance and everything would be. I think he just doesn’t have the money for a Ducati but dad would totally help him buy it if he’d let him.”

  “But he won’t.”

  “No,” she admitted. There was that annoyed tone again. “He is so weird about money.”

  “He’s weird about taking money. And I don’t think he’s weird about it, Lane. I think he just doesn’t like charity.”

  “But it wouldn’t be charity! He never lets mom and dad give him anything, not even for Christmas or birthdays. No one even knows exactly when his birthday is! It’s so weird.”

  I knew. August 8th. But I’d never tell.

  “It’s just how Kellen is. He’s proud.”

  “He’s stubborn.”

  I grinned against my pillow. “Yeah, he is.”

  “At least I know if he’s getting a bike he won’t be having sex with college girls in his car the way we just did in dad’s.”

  I sat up sharply. “I thought you said you made out in dad’s car.”

  She grinned slyly at me. “Did I? Well that’s what I meant then.”

  “Laney, have you had sex with him?”

  She laughed hard, rolling up into a sitting position. “Of course I have! Have you seen him? But we haven’t done it since he turned eighteen. He keeps telling me to slow down because he’s eighteen and I’m only sixteen and it’s all illegal and shit, but I want him so bad! Jenna, sex with him is soooo good. You have no idea.”

  No, I absolutely did not.

  “But you haven’t in a while?” I asked even though I really didn’t want to know. So why did I have to ask?

  “No. We do plenty of other stuff when I wear him down, though. The things that guy can do with his fingers. And his tongue! Fuck!”

  I wanted her skank ass off my bed that very second.

  I didn’t respond to her, mostly because it was too much information. I wasn’t shocked but I was mad for some reason. Not even really jealous, just mad.

  Initially, I had been closer with Kellen than Laney was. She liked that he was at the house and we knew him because he was a big deal at her school, blah blah blah, but it was me that he spent time tutoring every day. Me that he sat next to on the floor and joked with, talked with. He looked at my drawings and offered encouragement. I went to his boxing matches and shouted his name. I felt free with him. Like he saw me and knew me and he liked it all. I wasn’t used to that. I was used to being shoehorned into a mold, a dye my sister had cast and my mom was so excited about. One she demanded for both of us.

  When Kellen and Laney started dating I got a little territorial about him, feeling like he was my friend and she was going to steal him, but Kellen never bailed on me. He never treated me like I was nothing but a student or Laney’s little sister. I was always Jenna to him. I was his Nonpareil.

  I was worried with him going away to college that we’d lose that closeness. I worried that friendship with a fourteen year old Freshman in high school wouldn’t fit into his new college life. I was scared to lose him. Knowing he was so intimate with Laney was terrifying to me. They were working on a level I couldn’t operate at and I didn’t know what that meant for him and I. For me and my best friend. He was in love with her now and she was going to take him from me completely and the thought left me cold.

  And angry.

  “Are you done bragging now?” I asked sharply. “Can I go back to sleep?”

  Laney frowned. “What’s your problem?”

  “You woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me dirty stories, that’s my problem.”

  “I thought you’d be excited for me!”

  “I am but I’m also tired! Tell me all about it in the morning but let me go back to sleep now!”

  “Whatever,” Laney snarled, angrily jumping off my bed and heading for the door. “I’ll remember what a bitch you were just now when you come running to me to talk about the first time you’re in love. Oh wait, that will never happen because you’re a weird loner freak with no friends!”

  She slammed my door when she left.

  Chapter Five

  A few days later I was awakened in the night again. This time it was the sound of a car coming into the driveway. A door opened and closed. Soft shouts. A hesitant knock on the front door.

  I glanced at the clock. It was 3am.

  I recognized my dad’s footsteps hurrying down the hall, heading toward the stairs. I slipped out of bed silently and crept toward my door. After he’d passed by, I slowly opened it and snuck out onto the dark balcony as he headed down the stairs. I knew he couldn’t see me there, not without the chandelier in the foyer turned on and he wouldn’t risk it. Not with mom and Laney still soundly asleep.

  He looked through the glass on the side of the door to see who it was then quickly opened it.

  “Kellen,” he said, sounding startled, “are you alright? What’s happened?”

  I couldn’t understand Kellen’s words but I could read his tone. It was low and dark. Dead.

  “No, of course. Come inside,” dad told him. He stepped aside to let Kellen in but then he paused, listening to Kellen’s low voice again. “That’s alright. Get inside while I grab some money from Karen’s purse in the kitchen.”

  Dad left the door open as he headed for the kitchen. Kellen didn’t come inside. I could see his lower half through the doorway. Only his motionless legs and feet illuminated by the porch light. Old tennis shoes and holey jeans.

  Dad came back with money in his hand. He went outside to pay whoever was waiting in the driveway. I didn’t hear anything for a long time. Then there was the sound of tires on the drive again. This time they were leaving. Kellen’s feet still hadn’t moved.

  “Inside,” dad said sternly. He came back into view. His naked feet were standing beside Kellen’s. Waiting. “Let’s go. Now.”

  Finally Kellen moved. He stepped into the house, his body coming into view through the doorway but leaking from sight in the shadows. I could see his outline. He was moving stiffly, almost hesitantly. It was something I’d never seen him do before. Dad came in behind him, firmly shutting the door and locking it.

  “I’m sorry about the cab,” Kellen said. His voice
was off. Strange. “I didn’t know what else to do. The buses are running but I couldn’t sit still. I—“

  “It’s alright. Don’t worry about it.”

  “I’ll pay you back.”

  “You don’t have to worry about that.”

  “No, I will pay you back,” Kellen insisted, his voice rising. “I have the money. Just not on me.”

  “Hey,” dad said softly, stepping in front of him, catching his eye. “I know you’re good for it. Let’s not worry about it right now, alright?”

  I saw Kellen nod.

  “I’m sorry I came here,” he said sounding exhausted. His voice was growing quiet again. “I didn’t want to wake any of you but I—I didn’t know where else to go.”

  “This is where you go, Kellen. Always. This house is where you go, do you understand that?”

  “Yes, sir,” he whispered.

  “Now, how bad is your eye? Do we need to go get you stitches?”

  Kellen shook his head. “I don’t know. I haven’t looked at it. He started laying into me and I tried to walk out but he kept getting in my way. He was telling me to hit him. He was begging me to but I kept thinking about what you said. I kept thinking that I’m almost out. I’m almost free and clear and my own man but he just kept at me and I wanted to hit him so bad, just to get him to shut up. Finally, he got tired of waiting and he started punching me.”

  “What was he saying to you?”

  “He told me I’m no good. That I’m playing house with a rich girl but she’s slumming and she’ll drop me when she gets bored. He said I’m trotting off to some big college thinking I’m hot shit but that I’ll fall flat on my face the second I get there. He said I’m a poor bastard child of an Irish immigrant whore and that’s all I’ll ever be.”

  “That son of a bitch,” dad muttered. “And you didn’t hit him after that? Kellen, I’m proud of you.”

  “I was so close. I’m still shaking from it. I feel like I need to hit something to get it out but if I do, if I get arrested again, I’ll lose everything.”

  Dad touched his shoulder gently. I saw Kellen jump.

  “Not everything, son.”

  “No. You couldn’t let me back in here after that. I wouldn’t want you to. I couldn’t look Karen in the eyes. I couldn’t face Jenna and Laney after that. What would they think? I’d be everything he said I am. Shit,” he groaned, running his hands through his hair. “Maybe I already am.”

  “Stop it,” dad snapped. “You know who you are. Don’t ever let anyone tell you, because they don’t know. No one knows but you. Look me in the eyes, Kellen, and tell me that you’re nothing. When you’re in school making better grades than half the rich brats there, are you nothing? When you’re pulling in acceptance letters from colleges across the country willing to practically pay you to go there, are you nothing? When you’re in the ring, what are you then?”

  Kellen dropped his hands to his sides. They were still clenched tight.

  “I’m a man,” he said roughly.

  “Damn straight. One of the best ones I’ve ever had the privilege to know. Do you think I’d let you around my daughters if I thought any less of you?”

  “No.”

  “No. Don’t listen to that man anymore. He’s lashing out because he’s jealous and scared. His life is going nowhere because he never tried. You’ve never stopped trying, Kellen, and you never will.”

  They both stood motionless and silent for a long time. I watched them looking like statues together. Two tall, broad, brilliant men.

  “Come on,” dad said, his voice softer than before. “Let’s go to the kitchen so I can look at your eye. At the very least we’ll need to ice it.”

  Kellen silently followed my dad to the kitchen. I watched and I waited with breath held, suddenly afraid as they were moving that they would somehow see me. I never wanted Kellen to know I’d been there. He couldn’t know I’d seen all of this because he would know I felt sorry for him and he’d be angry. Embarrassed. So I saved him from that. From me. Because I loved him.

  And that night I wept for him.

  Chapter Six

  It was bittersweet when two weeks later Kellen left for college. His birthday passed, he turned eighteen, but because I was the only one who knew when it was and I was keeping my oath of silence, we didn’t celebrate. We’d never given him a party or a present because he wouldn’t take it. Laney thought it was crazy but it was just Kellen. It was how he was and you either accepted it or you could walk away.

  When he picked his college he chose from a small pool of acceptance letters to places all over the country. His grades were insane, his skills in boxing and football off the charts, so he could have gone just about anywhere that would give him the right scholarship and financial aid. I suffered silent anxiety for weeks while he debated, worried he’d go somewhere far away. I nearly died when he picked the University of California in Berkeley. It was a six hour drive so not the worst but it felt like a million miles. I knew it wasn’t a distance he would cross very often, especially not on his bike. But while it hurt to be separated from my friend, it was nice not to see him with Laney anymore. I hoped that wherever he was and whatever he was doing, he was doing it as himself.

  “I can’t believe we’re finally in high school,” Sam said in awe.

  I glanced over at her with a smile as we walked through the quad, admiring the balls it took to come to the first day of high school dressed like a vampire. She was Goth to the core, something I didn’t really understand or want to join her in, but I liked hanging out with her. She had that same surety in herself that Kellen had. She kind of reminded me of him sometimes, only way less man whory and way blonder. If it weren’t for the dark makeup, black clothes and spiky jewelry, Samantha Hamilton would be a perfect California Girl. She had the body for a beach bombshell, one not unlike Laney’s, but she hid it as much as she could.

  “Yep, it’s exciting,” I agreed with as much enthusiasm as I could muster.

  I was happy to be here, sure, but mostly because high school was the last leg of my educational journey. I was pretty sure I wouldn’t be going to college because if I did I’d probably lose my mind, but try telling my mom that. That summer we had already started planning my extracurricular activities to get my college applications nice and padded.

  “Do you know what I’m looking forward to?”

  “Pizza day?”

  “No! God, don’t you ever think about anything but food?”

  I shrugged. “Sometimes I think about telekinesis.”

  “Ugh, you and your comics. Seriously, it’s disturbing. No, what I’m excited about is boys. Boys with cars.”

  I nodded in silent agreement but inside I was thinking I had just turned fourteen and that I wasn’t far away from having my own car. I didn’t need a guy with one.

  Sam scowled at me. “You’re not excited about that at all.”

  “No, I am.”

  “No, you’re not. Not as much as you should be and do you know why? I’ll tell you. Kellen.”

  I laughed. “What does Kellen have to do with it? He’s not even here.”

  “No, but he’s still ruined you. You’re spoiled. He’s a god and you expect other guys to measure up to him and they won’t. It’s like you and the comics and the superheroes. Everyday life feels boring because you’ve got this big idea in your head of what it could be. But do you know what?”

  “It’s not,” I muttered.

  “Nope. It’s normal life and these are normal guys. You can’t get mad at them for that.”

  I didn’t answer her because how do you argue with someone who is so dead on, freaky right about you? That was one of those moments where Sam reminded me of Kellen. She was sharp and intuitive. She saw me, just like he did. She knew me.

  I put on my best smile, brushing off her comments.

  “So is it pizza day or n—“

  I wasn’t watching where I was going. I crashed into a hard chest that felt like a wall. A tall, warm w
all. When I looked up in surprise I found bright green eyes staring down at me from under a shock of onyx hair. The guy smiled as he took hold of my arms to steady me and when I reflexively smiled back, I felt myself go a little weak inside.

  “Sorry,” I breathed.

  “No worries. Getting run over by a pretty girl definitely won’t be the worst part of my day.”

  My smile widened. “I didn’t exactly run you over.”

  How could I? The guy was made of solid stone.

  “No, but you tried. Football tryouts aren’t for a couple weeks yet. You gunnin’ for my spot?”

  “Depends? What position do you play?”

  “Tight end.”

  “Yeah, you do,” Sam mumbled, checking him out.

  I ignored her. “Nah, you’re safe. I’m more of Running Back.”

  His eyebrows rose in surprise. “You’re into football?”

  “A little.”

  One guess who had taught me about football.

  “Enough to your know your positions. Pretty and you like sports? Tell me you’re single.”

  I blushed with embarrassment, though I tried to hide it. “I am.”

  He smiled again. “Good. Now tell me your number?”

  “What?”

  “Can I get your number?”

  I laughed. “Don’t you want my name first?”

  “I mean, if you want to be formal about it.” He let go of me and offered his hand. “Devon Winslow. Sophmore, Varsity Tight End, about to be late for class but not willing to let someone snatch you up before I get a chance to call you.”

  I shook his hand. “Jenna Monroe. Freshman, football fan—”

  “And Kellen Coulter’s little sister,” he finished, his face turning serious.

  “No, I’m Laney Monroe’s sister, not Kellen’s.”

  He dropped my hand like I’d burned him. “As good as. Hey, it was great to meet you. Welcome to Weston. I gotta go, I’m late.”

  He jogged away toward the gym, Sam and I staring after him in shock.

  “Well that went south quickly,” Sam commented. “Were your hands sweaty? What was that?”