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  “She’s depressed,” Jenna explained without enthusiasm. “She doesn’t want to admit it because she’s the one who broke up with Carter, but it’s killing her. They were together almost six months. He was the longest relationship she ever had.”

  “That uptight douche with the pink tie?” Callum asked. He sat forward in the cramped back seat of the truck, his knees pressing against his massive chest. “Dude was a chode.”

  “He wasn’t a chode,” Jenna chuckled.

  “He was shitty.”

  “He was a good guy,” I argued. “And when did you ever meet him?”

  “I didn’t,” Callum admitted.

  “Then how the hell do you know?”

  “Because I saw his Facebook page. Told me everything I needed to know.”

  Jenna turned in her seat to look at him quizzically. “And his Facebook page told you he’s a chode?”

  “No. His pink tie did.”

  “Oh my God,” she groaned, facing forward again. “What’s your new girlfriend’s name? I’m looking up her Facebook page and telling you what my judgement is. See how accurate I am.”

  “She doesn’t have one.”

  I sighed. “She’s one of those, isn’t she?”

  “Are you being racist, Coulter?”

  “What race am I stereotyping with that question?” I demanded.

  He shrugged. “I don’t know. Mexican?”

  “That’s a nationality, not a race,” Jenna sang.

  “What are they then? Beaners?”

  I glared at him in the rearview mirror. “Jesus, Callum.”

  He stared back in innocent shock. “What?”

  “And I’m the racist,” I muttered.

  “What’d I say?”

  “Nothing,” Jenna told him tiredly. “And you should continue saying nothing.”

  “But I don’t—“

  “Bup, bup, bup!” Jenna shushed. “No more. Quiet time.”

  We rode in silence for a good five minutes. I was impressed by Callum’s restraint but it came as no surprise to me when he leaned forward stealthily and whispered in Jenna’s ear.

  Jenna, however, was shocked to shit by it.

  “What’d I say?” he pleaded breathily against her face.

  “Don’t—dog dammit!” she cried, turning in her seat and punching at his chest with impeccable form. She had a good teacher. “You scared the crap out of me, Callum!”

  “’Don’t dog dammit?’” he asked, perplexed.

  “Shut up.”

  “What does that mean?”

  “It means shut your mouth.”

  “No, not that. What does—“

  “Spanish,” I interrupted. “They’re Spanish. Now shut up.”

  “Wait, what did you mean?” Jenna asked me, her brows pinched.

  I looked at her sideways. “About what?”

  “When you said she’s one of those.”

  “Oh. Hipster.”

  “Ugh,” she groaned. “She better not be. If you’re making me break bread with a hipster, Callum, you’re dead to me for at least a month.”

  “I won’t listen to her tell me about her vintage iron collection and how she doesn’t have a TV,” I agreed.

  Callum snorted. “She’s not a hipster, dude.”

  “What is she then? What does she do?”

  “Porn.”

  My eyes flickered to his in the mirror. He stared back dead serious. “No.”

  “Yep. She works in a porn store. She’s the cashier.”

  “Okay, so she doesn’t make the porn,” Jenna clarified cautiously. “She rents it out. Sells it.”

  “Yeah.”

  “Okay. Okay.”

  “I mean, she wants to get into the industry. That’s why she’s working at the store. That and she’s saving money for a boob job. Girl’s got ass for days but bee stings in her bra.”

  “Callum?”

  “Yeah?”

  “It’s quiet time again.”

  When we got to the dingy little club hosting the band that night we couldn’t find a parking spot. I grew up in this shitty part of town, I’d never felt any real fear for my own safety, but as I parked my nearly new black truck on the street and walked away from it, I worried for the first time. Not for me. For her. It was weird for me having things worth stealing.

  I hoped to God I had rims when I got back.

  Callum’s girl was waiting for us when we got there and I wondered why we didn’t her pick up. It wasn’t a great place to be hanging out by yourself. Then I met her. Jackie. She was a local down to the bone. She had the same weathered look in her eyes that I had seen almost all my life. The same look I carried with me now.

  Her hair was long and blond. Not from a dye job or genes, but from a bottle of peroxide. It looked stiff as straw as she swung it over her shoulder and ran to Callum’s arms. He picked up her tiny body and hugged her hard, making her laugh and squeal happily. I was worried he’d hurt her but the girl was built hard. She hugged him back before pressing her lips soundly to his, smearing her deep red lipstick sloppily over his mouth.

  “Guys, this is Jackie,” Callum told us when he got his mouth back. He grinned wildly, looking like the Joker.

  He dropped Jackie to the ground where she adjusted her tiny tank top and extended her hand to Jenna.

  “Your makeup is the shit,” she gushed.

  Jenna smiled, her dark eye shadow setting off the glow of her gray eyes. “Thanks. I love your shoes.”

  “Oh my God, BOGO at Payless.”

  “Seriously?”

  “Totally killer sale. I live for it. You gotta go with next me time.”

  “Definitely.”

  I had no idea what they were talking about but I smiled at Jenna as she walked into the bar beside Jackie, telling her all about how she’d done her makeup. She fell effortlessly into the scene with this girl who grew up on the other side of the universe from her. She didn’t act like she was any better than her just because she came from money. She didn’t act like she was better than a single person in that neighborhood. She only smiled and chatted and whether she actually liked Jackie or not I had no idea, but she was sweet to her either way because that’s just who Jenna was. It was the reason we were able to be friends in the first place.

  It was one out of the million reasons why I loved her.

  Once we sat down and the band got going, I was in heaven. The music was good, Jenna sat close enough to feel against my thigh, close enough to hear her throaty voice singing softly along with the band. My cheap beer tasted good. My best friend was smiling and happy.

  The only thing that pulled me down, the one thing I wished I could have changed, was Jackie. She was nice enough but she never shut up. She shouted over the music constantly, asking questions and talking about random shit, and that might have been fine if she was interesting, but the truth of the matter was that she was stupid. Maybe that’s harsh, but it’s the truth. The girl was an idiot. She got confused about the name of the band, confused about what cup was hers, confused about what time it was. When she got up to go to the bathroom she asked Jenna if she thought the signs would be ‘real people signs or the confusing ones’.

  Jenna stared at her blankly before smiling and assuring her they’d be real – whatever the hell that meant.

  Once Jackie was out of earshot Callum leaned forward eagerly on the table.

  “Okay, be honest,” he began. “What do you thi—“

  “She’s dumb,” I told him frankly.

  Jenna put her face in her hand.

  Callum glowered at me. “What the fuck, dude?”

  “What?” I asked, genuinely confused. “Were you not about to ask us what we thought of her?”

  “No.”

  “Oh. Damn.”

  “Yeah, asshole.”

  Jenna lifted her head. “What were you going to ask, Callum?”

  He looked from me to her and back again. Finally his eyes settled on her, going soft around the edges. “I was
going to ask if you thought she’s a real blond.”

  “No. She’s not.”

  “You really don’t think so?”

  “I know so. She’s not. It’s a bottle job.”

  He slumped back in his seat. “Great.”

  “Why does it matter?”

  “I need her to be blond head to toe and it’s wicked hard to find a real blond bush.”

  “Callum, what the hell?” I asked him calmly, honestly curious what was wrong with him.

  “It’s for Bingo,” he explained.

  Jenna cringed. “Do I want to know what you’re talking about?”

  “I’m banging chicks for Bingo.”

  “I didn’t want to know,” she muttered to herself.

  “I’m competing with some guys from college. I already scored a red head last month. I just need a brunette and a blond, a real blond.” He glanced over his shoulder to make sure Jackie wasn’t in ear shot. “You really think the carpet doesn’t match the drapes?”

  “I refuse to discuss the vaginal follicles of a woman I’ve known less than an hour,” Jenna answered dryly.

  “How long do you need to know her before you’ll take this conversation seriously?” I asked.

  She glared at me. “How long do you need?”

  “He almost has a Bingo, Jenna. Help him out.”

  “You’re messing with me.”

  I smiled. “Yeah, I’m messing with you.”

  “Thank God.” She pointed at Callum accusingly. “You need a hobby.”

  He smirked. “I’ve got one.”

  “Bimbo Bingo doesn’t count, you animal!”

  “What he needs is a girlfriend,” I suggested.

  “So wrong,” Jenna argued.

  “Why? How am I wrong?”

  “He’s having sex for sport. He’s not gonna take a relationship seriously.”

  “I could take a relationship seriously,” Callum protested.

  Jenna laughed. “You couldn’t take a Big Mac seriously right now.”

  “That sounds good. We should do a food run.”

  “You gotta ditch the losing game piece first,” I reminded him.

  “That’s easy. Stand up and leave. Dine and dash. Fun and run.”

  “Who’s doing a fun run?” Jackie asked, appearing out of nowhere like an idiot poltergeist.

  “Rob Lowe,” I lied easily.

  “The mayor from Canada? The fat one?”

  “Sure.”

  She rolled her eyes as she sat down next to Callum. “That guy is banana nut bread. I read he was dropping acid with Winona Ryder like three weeks ago in New York.”

  “Where’d you read that?” Jenna asked.

  “Internet. There’s a bunch of news sites that give you all the dirty gossip. The really nasty stuff none of the big sites will tell you. Like how aliens built the pyramids, even the one in Las Vegas. I mean, why would there be a pyramid in Vegas when the rest are in Egypt? They were built like six hundred years ago!”

  “Sounds legit.”

  “So legit. I’ll send you the links. They’ll change your life, I swear.”

  “Cool, thanks.”

  “We have to go,” Callum said suddenly, standing up and dropping cash down onto the table.

  I leaned back in my seat with my beer, getting comfortable. “What’s the rush, man? We don’t have anywhere to be.”

  “Yes, we do.”

  “No, I don’t think we do. In fact, I think we should order another round. Maybe some curly fries. Really settle in.”

  “Don’t be mean to Jenna, dude.”

  Jackie cast Jenna a worried look. “What’s wrong with Jenna?”

  Jenna shook her head. “Nothing, I’m fi—“

  “She got her period!” Callum cut her off. “Just now. It’s a mess. We gotta go.”

  Jackie immediately reached for her purse. “Do you need something? I think I have a tampon.”

  “She’s allergic.”

  “Oh. I’m s-sorry.”

  “Yeah,” Jenna said slowly. “Me too.”

  “So, we should go,” Callum insisted, already backing away from the table. “Jackie, you can get a ride with your buddy?”

  “The bouncer? Yeah. He’s a regular at the store. He’s a kitten.”

  “Great. See you later.”

  Jenna and I stood slowly, taking our time and making Callum wait for us. We said our goodbyes to Jackie, Jenna receiving a sympathetic hug and a fistful of paper napkins as we were leaving. She took the awkward moment gracefully, smiling and promising to call the other woman when another BOGO went down. It was a lie and I knew it, we all knew it. Everyone but Jackie.

  Once we got outside Jenna punched Callum in the chest again.

  “Why?” he demanded.

  She only pointed at him, her eyes severe slits.

  “I’m telling you,” I reminded her, “the guy needs a girlfriend to calm him down.”

  “Horse tranquilizers will do the same thing.”

  I smiled, lacing my fingers through hers. “Not like a woman can.”

  Chapter Seven

  Jenna

  We got back to Kellen’s apartment late. After a stop for Big Macs – because Callum absolutely could not let it go – we hit another bar more on my side of town. Mine and Callum’s. Then we hit another. Then Callum sang karaoke, shocking the shit out of us with a voice that wasn’t half bad. It was actually more like all good. All great. He slurred a lot and he sang a Katy Perry song, but it was still impressive. He got a standing ovation from the other patrons, tried to jump up on the bar and take his shirt off, and we politely left before they had to ask us to leave. It was a great night, exactly the kind of thing I needed. The kind of thing that both Kellen and I needed together.

  When we stumbled inside his apartment, exhausted but sober, my face hurt from smiling. My throat was thrashed from yelling and laughing, and my mood was lighter than it had been in months. I held Kellen’s hand as he guided me through the dark apartment without bothering to turn on any lights. He knew it by heart and I trusted him to get me to the bedroom without a cracked shin or stubbed toe. And he delivered. Because one way or another, no matter how long it took, Kellen always delivered.

  He paused at the foot of the bed there in the dark and I could feel his eyes on me. Then I could feel his hands. His lips.

  He kissed me gently as he wrapped his arms around my waist. I went soft inside when he held me like that. Like I was everything.

  He gently pushed a loose strand of my hair behind my ear, tracing the outside of it before trailing his fingers down my neck. I shivered against him, drawing a smile from him that I could feel against my mouth.

  “Tickles?” he asked playfully.

  “No,” I whispered.

  “Liar.”

  “Yes.”

  He kissed the edge of my mouth chastely, trailing his lips and his breath over my cheek. Down to my chin. Under my jaw.

  I held onto him tightly, feeling my body respond. Feeling my mind shift.

  It wasn’t a pleasant feeling.

  The second his lips hit my neck and my legs went weak, I worried. I felt afraid and desperate, but not for him. For a rewind. To go back to the night and the bar and the singing with Callum. I wanted to recapture that wonderful feeling I’d had only moments ago before desire rolled in and brought a tide of terror with it. Kellen felt so warm and full, so present under my hands with a smile in his eyes. I couldn’t stomach the thought of the empty. Not now.

  God willing not ever again.

  I pulled away from him abruptly, feeling my body rush in every direction. In contradiction and confusion. I lifted up on my toes and kissed him quickly, trying to erase the weird moment I was making. “I’m gonna take a quick shower and change. Get ready for bed. Okay?”

  He nodded stiffly, his hands still on my hips. His eyes burning into mine.

  Kellen wasn’t dumb. He was anything but. He was a tried and tested genius before the accident, and even now after all that
his brain had been through he was still smarter than the average bear. And he knew me too well. He felt the shift in my mood as though I had spoken it aloud, and even though he didn’t emotionally have what it took to ask me what was wrong, he wasn’t unaffected by it.

  Neither was I.

  I nearly ran from the bedroom to the bathroom. I felt a little like crying as I stripped down to nothing in the stark white light. I turned on the hot water as high as I could stand it, hoping the harsh sting would wake me up. Wash me clean. Set me straight. But no matter what I did I couldn’t escape the truth that was staring me in the face.

  Kellen and I weren’t what I had hoped we’d be.

  We were exactly what I knew we’d be.

  It was hard to reconcile that truth in my head with the dream in my heart. I wasn’t crazy. I hadn’t really thought Kellen would be fixed by being with me. That night years ago when he’d slammed on the breaks and broken every part of me but my body, he’d warned me about exactly this. He told me he didn’t know how to be present for someone. That sex was sex and there was nothing after. It was the reason he’d walked away. He hadn’t wanted to hurt me. He didn’t know how to be more for me or anyone. Worst of all, with his past and the abuse he’d endured he was afraid he’d dirty me. That being with me ruined me the way he was so convinced he was ruined.

  So no, I hadn’t thought I’d fix him by loving him, but I’d hoped that some part of this would be different. Maybe that we could endure his darkness because it was us. Because we were stronger than the fear and the anger and the hate inside him. Bigger than the nothing.

  What if we weren’t ready? What if we’d made a terrible mistake, one that we could never come back from? Sex had changed everything for us because sex had changed everything for him so many years ago. So many nights and tears and screaming torrents of rage and hurt ago. He would never be the same because of it, and now we’d never be the same. I was in it, the thick of it. In the void and the dark with him and he couldn’t find me because he wasn’t looking, he didn’t know how, and I didn’t know my way around. I was lost. I was scared. I was alone.

  “What’s wrong?”

  I screamed, muffling the sound in my hand and choking it off in the back of my throat.